“We’re a family here.”
Which family, exactly? On loyalty, belonging, and the remarkably selective career of one of corporate life’s favourite metaphors.
Team meeting. Monthly, quarterly or annual review. The second line in the boss’s motivational script, straight after, “I’m really glad we can all be here together”:
“We’re a family here.” [Pause for effect, while the manager’s gaze makes a deliberate sweep around the room. Everyone gets their share of the praise.]
With some generosity, we might call it wishful thinking. More often, sadly, it is just another item in the workplace cliché parade.
Photo by Milan Czar on Unsplash
Fine. Let’s slow down for a moment and zoom in: beliefs vs. the hoped-for state vs. reality.
For a minute, let’s look inside an average family and see what kinds of questions come up. We can then think about which particular version of “family” the boss had in mind.
Are there favourites? Who is more equal than the others? Does the loyal family member actually feel appreciated for that loyalty? Because, after all, they could have sailed off across the career seas a long time ago.
What happens with conflict? After a serious disagreement, or one badly handled conversation, do we start building walls, end the relationship, or is it worth trying to repair it? What happens when someone no longer wants to be part of it? And is loyalty really always reciprocal?
Well, that is the “family” part of the famous sentence.
You might be one of those who would rather have real conversations about where things stand, the facts, the results and the plans.
Then you need solid foundations. Don’t design an ice palace for 40°C heat that is expected to last.
“We’re a family” will be the subject of my next dissection. I’ll look at what the research actually supports, and what remains from which the decent intention behind the idea can genuinely be built. So that our ice palace does not melt before the first meeting is over.
When you look ahead, the forest may still be thick with undergrowth. At least you can see where you want to go, and cut the path in that direction so the people coming after you can follow with confidence.
In the next piece, I’m examining what the research actually tells us about what happens when an organisation calls itself a family.
It will be research-grounded and fairly robust. If that sounds like your kind of reading, click Subscribe so you don’t miss it.
Lilien Gerlach | Behavioural Analyst Notes